Befriend Your Doubts
A powerful thought struck me this morning, “befriend your doubts.”
I’ve never thought of ‘doubt’ as something that needs a friend, but I'm beginning to reconsider it.
I started to notice my relationship with self-doubt about five years ago. I was living in France, training at a drama school. I can distinctly remember the end of one class. I had just finished a solo improv when my professeur approached me and said, “doute pas.” I remember staring back at them and with a sigh, I mumbled, “Je sais, je sais,” full well knowing I’d allowed le doute to get the better of me once again.
I’d heard many variations of le doute before.
“I don’t know why you doubt yourself so much.”
The painful part is, neither did I.
On reflection, I can see now it was an agreement I’d made with myself. I’d permitted my self-doubt to override any other internal belief and allowed it to team up with my lack of self-confidence and self-worth. Over time, this impacted the relationship I had with myself; it grew bitterly conditional.
I don’t believe in you. You can’t do this, so prove to me you can.
This harsh internal expectation had been circulating my mind for years. I had no faith or trust in myself and only felt a sense of accomplishment if I had met the conditions I’d laid out. When it came to believing the positive things others said about me – absolutely no chance! It was contradictory to my internal beliefs; I wouldn’t allow myself to hear it.
I was living in a state of anticipation, awaiting the next chance to prove myself… to myself.
Exhausting.
For a very long time, these thoughts were unconscious. As I’m becoming more aware of them, I can feel them shifting.
I believe in you. You can do this.
Slowly, slowly, the little seedlings of positive internal affirmations are being sown.
I believe in you. You can do this. No matter what happens, I'll still love you. I've got your back.
So, what’s the opposite of le self doute?
For me, it’s building an unconditional bridge of trust and belief.
This is what we need to cultivate and where the befriending begins.
Here are my thoughts on befriending your self-doubts:
Acknowledge them. They want to be heard and feel loved! Grant them the space, while gently reminding them of your brilliance.
Be patient. It’s trickier at the start to convince yourself otherwise. If, like me, you’ve spent years doubting yourself, it will take time to rebuild your trust. As you begin, it may feel like you’re “lying” to yourself, you aren’t, you’re just challenging the old guard!
Become aware of your self-limiting beliefs: they are not a true representation of who you are.
There is no reason for you to internalise the doubts others may have about you, or about themselves. Be mindful of this.
Don’t be surprised if some people drift away as you begin to believe in yourself again. It’s a bit sore, but trust the process.
Move away from blaming yourself. Sometimes those sneaky self-doubting judgements may jump in, “I told you so!” There is no blame, only lessons.
Celebrate yourself as much as you celebrate others. We are quick to recognise the success of others, but not our own. All those wins continue to live on inside of you!
Be proud of yourself that you’ve come this far. I’m cheering you on!
Remind yourself you are loved and cherished. Always.
This journey is yours alone.
Follow your truth, follow your Heart.
Doute pas!
With lots and lots of love,
Jessica xxx